I want to film The Lord Of The Rings in Hollywood Animal, but my writers keep trying to make porn instead
Estimated reading time: 1 minute
When I inherited – pardon me, founded Endless Bear Studios at the flickering end of the Roaring Twenties, I had a dream. And that dream was to film Peter Jackson’s The Lord Of The Rings trilogy 30 years before Peter Jackson was born. Its one of many will-be classics I hope to “pre-make”, as it were. But ugh, these writers. There ain’t a single Jackson amongst ’em. I’ve got four on staff right now: one is a gambler, another likes to drink, the third is an incorrigible slacker, and the fourth is a recent hire who can barely use a typewriter. I spoonfed the gambler the rudiments of Spartacus, and he came back with some rancid applesauce about a knight and a criminal mastermind and a village of pixies. I told the tippler to write The Hobbit, and he cooked up a leaden three-hander with no wizard.
